I am really sorry about ur situation...
I cannot give u astrological advice just practical, though I am not very practical myself
But let me try..
When i went to Hostel for my bachelors, I was very very home sick..I always told myself.."i dont like it here,I don't want to live here AT ALL...and when i go home for dusshera holidays i am not coming back"...that's what kept me going and helped me survive till Dusshera holidays...but then things changed without me trying...But in between I always kept saying to myself, "I can leave any time I want..." n that's what kept me sane..
I know it's not the same..But if u are scared thinking u r stuck there, it will be even more miserable..
Just say to urself..."I can leave anytime I want"..
Bottom line, don't force urself to think u have to live and die in this situation..Just think, "I can get out of it anytime I want"
Forgetting parents, in-laws, husband and the rest of the society, and thinking just about what keeps u sane, you can leave if u want, anytime. This part is in your hands...
Though u have to have to think about future, thinking too much into future like ,"will i be able to survive alone" also suffocates u a lot since it will trap u in indecisiveness..
U say it yourself, that u could not tolerate the emotional drama, n hurting others..it will still be the same...but it should not be at the price of ur own happiness's..
so just take baby steps..
Forget about physical relationship...stay separate, may be at ur parents' house or on your own for some more time (if u leave ur husband and cannot think of marrying anybody else other than ur boy friend, u will need to know if u can live alone because even if ur boy friend accepts to marry u, his family might not support it..i don't know...i am just guessing...)..
n while u are separate, talk to ur husband, not as a duty, but just like a friend..as any other friend, n see if u can eventually accept him...or may be develop any kind of attachment towards him but again only at ur wish...All this might not be possible for any other person, but even after knowing ur entire situation, ur in-laws and husband are supporting u so much...so may be they will understand if u say u need time to get used to this situation or feeling..
They may or may not accept to all ur terms, n why should they?...after all unko kya padi hai? But just try and see if it makes u be sane...
I would not have suggested this if u haven't already married this person..but since u already did and also u cannot stand to hurt anyone, you can at least try it..
My brain is also very stubborn and does not listen to reason in certain situations..so i know myself that a person will eventually do what he/she wants to do how many ever people advice him/her otherwise...
But people do advice when u reach out hoping it will make some difference...But u need to understand that it's totally up to u...
U have people who understand ur situation around u including ur in-laws..
One of my friend's dad threatened her that he will kill himself and also kill her mother if she does not get married to the guy they chose
.... So......I will not say u r lucky in that sense...since u will not look at any good things that u have or might happen to u for some time..
I know u r looking for astrological advice and I sincerely hope someone will answer ur questions...
but for astrological advice u need to refine ur questions...
If u think of this as unwanted or untimely advice plz just ignore it...
I wish things turn out the way u want them to be..
