Strange feelings towards goddess

[adi]

Dear gurus

I have read about bhakti yoga. In bhakti yoga the aspirant loves god as one of his relatives like son, mother, husband, etc.
But i don't know if it would be ok to think of goddess as one's wife.

I ask this because i am having some problems. I had a breakup with my girlfriend like 4-5 months ago.
Recently i have started doing mahalakshmi ashtakam and mantra to appease goddess mahalaskhmi as she is my ishta devta.
I know it is good to think of goddess as one's mother but i have a natural inclination or desire (i dont know why?)
to think of her as my wife. Even if i try to think of her as mother i forget that sometimes during meditation and express my feelings to her as if she is my wife.
Sometimes i feel her to be mother and sometimes my wife and then i feel like merging into her.

1) Is it ok to feel about goddess as your wife?
2) Or it is sinful and result of my unfulfilled carnal desires?

I am doubtful even though i have read somewhere that as long as you have any feeling for god it is ok. For eg. sisupal went to krishna after death even though he hated him because his hate was intense.

my details:

POB: haridwar, uttaranchal
DOB: 14-12-83
TOB: 5.25am

Please advice,
Adi

[R V RAMANAN]

Dear adi

The place where all of your extremely good and very bad tendencies is the meeting place between the conscious and the sub conscious. I can understand your trauma. One good thing is that during meditation you are able to scale the surface conscious and go deeper. But do not encourage this. A tendency sprouts only to be discarded and not acknowledged. However good or bad it may be. When you meditate the play of the intellect is less so actually there is no protection for you from your buddhi.

Now I shall give you a few simple methods to follow

1) Whether you are meditating or not the moment that thought comes watch it as if it is alien and never even once give an acknowledgement.
2) Slightly be hungry always never eat to your full stomach. Hunger (I dont mean starving but eating only to about 75% of your capacity) can put a check on any manifesting tendency.
Within a couple of months you will be able to laugh it off.

Wishing you success for this is a difficult trial and once you scale through this the rewards will be there for you to see.

You can chant this particular mantra within and without and throughout

Chant this like a mad man to see all your troubles vanish

Here is the mantra

"OM SHREEM MOKSHA LAKSHMI NAMO NAMASTHUTHE"

Regards
ramanan

[adi]

Thanks Ramananji

I understood what you have said about curbing tendencies. But i am not still clear on this.
Let me explain my mind. What i want to say is for eg. mira loved krishna as her lover so it was madhurya bhav.

Now if somebody develops that bhava for devi (goddess) should it be wrong?

I read this, http://www.dlshq.org/teachings/bhaktiyoga.htm

The last is Madhurya Bhava or Kanta Bhava. This is the highest form of Bhakti. The devotee regards the Lord as his Lover. This was the relation between Radha and Krishna. This is Atma-Samarpana. The lover and the beloved become one. The devotee and God feel one with each other and still maintain a separateness in order to enjoy the bliss of the play of love between them. This is oneness in separation and separation in oneness. Lord Gauranga, Jayadeva, Mira and Andal had this Bhava.

A Caution: Madhurya Bhava is absolutely different from conjugality of earthly experience. One should not be mistaken for the other. Earthly conjugality is purely selfish and is undertaken only because it gives pleasure to one's own self. But in love for God it is because it gives pleasure to God and not for the sake of the devotee. Divine love is not selfish. It is born of sattva. But earthly lust is born of rajas and attachment to bodies. Earthly conjugality is the outcome of egoisitc self-regarding egoistic feeling, while divine communion is the outcome of other-regarding feeling devoid of egoism. Strong selfishness is the root of worldly passion; divine love is the product of loss of egoism. This is the greatest difference between lust (kama) and divine love (prema). The two are related as darkness is related to light. No development of earthly affection, however perfect it may be, can lead one to supreme joy of divine communion. Lust lurks in the heart due to the passion that burns in the core of things. Divine love is unknown to the man of the world, however religious he may be. The secret of divine love cannot be understood, and should not be tried to be understood, so long as man is only a man and woman only a woman. The austere transformation of the human into the divine is the beginning of true love for God.

-Swami Sivananda

So should it be wrong if it is done for goddess since a man naturally has tendency to love and care for the feminine?

Thanks,
Adi

[Nitin21]

Godesses should never be worshiped alone. She should always be worshipped along with her consort. Please pray Shri Vishnu along with Maata Laxmi. Start with Shri venkatesh stotram before you go ahead with Mahalaxmidevi Pooja.

[R V RAMANAN]

Dear Adi

Your love is there alright. But you are trying to talk your terms to the goddess of worship. That is why it is a mixture of a bit of lust, a bit of ownership, a bit of possessiveness and above all a feeling of insecurity. I understand your problem well. dont worry. Though you are not able to come to grips with it you will be able to in due course of time. At that time there will be no lust but only reverence coupled with your devotion. That will be bliss.

regards
ramanan

[USR]

My dear Adi,
For a normal healthy male,lust is natural.Animal instincts have to be controlled ,as we are social animals.When not controlled, what we see is unsocial relationship (bad ideas about sister,babhi etc and tendency like your feeling towards Goddess Laksmi.Until you have total control of yourself or have a wife with good bondage,don't do prayers to female deities.
If you are not yet married,better you get married early.
Manusmriti is a good guide for social and ethical behaviour.If you find time pl read it.
Don't feel guilty as this sort of feeling is common in some people.At the same time don't justify yourself citing Meerabai and others.
with best wishes,
USR

[adi]

Thanks everybody

I am sorry if i offended anybody here. It was good to know your views.

I would use this opportunity to ask USR ji and ramananji about my married life and wife and remedies to correct problems in that area

Thanks
adi

[USR]

My dear Adi,
Are you not yet married ? For analysing your chart some data is required.Like some important events with date,family and educational background,your aspirations etc.What you feel cool,that only you can give.
You can seek others opinion also.
with best wishes,
USR

[adi]

thanks usr ji

***********************************************************************************
details are:

POB: haridwar, uttaranchal
TOB: 5.25 am
DOB: 14-12-83

events:

1994: Changed city due to retirement of father
Jan 2000: Grandfather' death (paternal)
2003: Joined engineering college, moved away from home
Jan 2005: Grandmother' death (paternal)
2006-2007: Lived with sister's family
August 2007: Moved to US for studies, loneliness,
August 2008: Started long distance relationship with a girl, a bad year for studies
June 2009 : Spent summers with her in my hometown, a very good year for studies, got very high grades, good recommendations from prof.
Mar 2010: Breakup with her
Mar-Jul 2010: First job , depression, leaving job

Well about me: introvert, spiritual, thin, intelligent, low-focus, low-motivation, suffer from emotional problems like homesickness- loneliness- dissatisfaction on
and off which have negative impact on studies/work,

Family: father retired from govt job, mom housewife, 3 sisters all settled, 2nd sister schizophrenic-mentally abnormal(married) , 1st sister(well-off),3rd sister abroad (well off)

I have had a bad relationship once (2 yrs long-distance with intent of marriage)....broke off this year.
Was it because of saturn conjunct venus in 12th?

Can you please analyse my marriage in future.....would it last?

Thanks,
Adi

[surendra02]

friend adi,
I tell you about me, my dob is 02march1976, bt is 20:00pm, nagaur(rajasthan). i have thanks

surendra soni

[adi]

Thanks surendra

Can you analyse my chart wrt to wife and marriage. I have had 2 relationships upto now.
1st was just a short affair. Not much serious. 6 months
2nd one was quite emotional and physical. 2 yrs. When it broke this year, i was totally shattered.

How will be my wife. Will she love me? Will we be stable?

Thanks,
Adi