Feeling guilty and lost

[Sudha123]

I have already posted this in another section, reposting it here as I have not got any reply so far. As I am a new member I am not sure where to post this topic. Sorry! Looking forward to advices from senior members. Thanks


Hello everybody,

Please excuse...this is a long post

I lost my beloved mother on Nov 3 2018 ( ekadeshi day). She was ailing for a long time and had lots of health issues. I stood by her all the time. On Oct 19, She lost her consiousness after suffering a stroke( totally unexpected). Just before she passed she opened her eyes and saw all of us and died in front of my eyes.This is killing me everyday. I am not able to overcome her loss . I could not save her. I had been chanting mantras/slokas/ switch words all these years for my mother to recover. Everything gone in vain. I don't know what my mother wished to say or do finally. Could anyone help me out.why did my mother suffer so much? She was a wonderful and generous people.She has always taught us good things. Why has god been so cruel to her . I cannot express the suffering s she underwent. I am so upset and lost. I feel guilty that none of my prayers helped her heal. May be I have not done enough to save my mother
How can I know if she is happy or has any unfulfilled desire. What should I do ? I want my mother to be happy and healthy where ever she is.
My mother's date of birth. June 5 1950.( Not sure about birth time)
She died on Nov 3 2018 at 7.26pm. Please let me know if I need to do any pooja for her soul to test in peace. We have already completed all rituals promptly. Please Help.

Thank you.
Sudha

[Denyblackburn]

Hello my dear,

i also lost my mom

She was born on the 23. February 1950 on the same year as your mom and died 19.September 2018

She died because gallbladder cancer and the Chemo wrecked her. I was strictly against it and tried to heal her with olive leaf extract and B17. It had a effect on her blood panels, the Doctor even said its a miracle. But she wanted to continue with the chemo despite horrible side effects.

Like you i also singed every hour to heal her with the Maha Mritunjaya and Hari Om Mantra.

The big problem was that i myself suffered from a failed toe surgery which leaved me with severe nerve pain all day long. So i couldnt think straight and pray with 100% focus. Because of the pain i developed insomnia too which didnt helped either. Through this pressure i also had anger issues.

So i get the same guilty feelings as you. So you are not alone.

I would say, just still sing the Mantras for you and her, she just went in another dimension. Have trust that she is protected. When you feel guilty she is not happy. Try to imagine that Ganesha has welcomed her into the heaven ☺

Make yourself warm feelings, this feelings will get sended to her through telepathy and the guilt will vanish. Just try to understand that this dimension is a very harsh illusion, and that death means liberation. We tried our best but we are only made by flesh, try to rest your mind my dear.

Best wishes! I write to you my whatsapp when you want to chat because similiar situation.

[Sudha123]

Thank you for your consoling words. Feel very sorry for your mom. The physical pain one undergoes in front of eyes is the hardest to forget. My mom was an ITP patient, later she developed diabetes which crippled all her organs one by one. She was on Haemodialysis for last 3 years( 3 days/ week). The steroids given for treating ITP was the reason behind all these. She was not able to eat or drink anything of her choice. I remember my mom begging me to give her a large glass of water to drink...which I denied thinking she would suffer from breathlessness and pulminary edima later...Today when I drink water, I remember my mother. Sometimes I curse God for being so cruel to a person who was so innocent, god-fearing,and good at heart. People talk about Karma here... I don't know much about it. I only saw my mother suffer till the end and I stood helpless inspite of we giving her the best possible treatment we could afford. My mom has taken more medicine than edible food in lifetime. So many hospital/ emergency visits.So many IV/ injections!!!!!Sure would have become fed up of her sick life and wanted to leave. Now
that she has , I have become lonely.

Take care of your health.
Thanks again.
Sudha